Leaders and managers take note! The word to get the best response when giving feedback is 'and!' Strike 'but' from your vocabulary right now! The way forward is in another little three letter word.
Think about it, someone is telling you how you've done something and it starts off quite well, with a compliment or praise, then it's followed with a 'but'... It doesn't matter what words are said next, the heart sinks, negativity and feelings of not being good enough start to creep in and the positive words that were spoken mere seconds ago are forgotten. "I liked your introduction, but I think you could have spent more time engaging with the audience."
Rewind, erase that pesky 'but' and replace it with 'and'. All of a sudden you have received positive feedback followed by some useful words of advice that you can implement at a future date. learn from, grow and improve. Simple, but... (scrap that!) AND incredibly effective. 'And' inspires you to do better. 'But' tells you you weren't good enough. "I liked your introduction and, next time, you could spend even more time engaging with the audience."
Feedback is important. But so often it's delivery makes it ineffective. As leaders and managers, we want the best for our employees. Employees also want to improve and perform well. A leader will have his or her heart in the right place but could do more damage delivering a string of negative feedback that they think will help improve performance than had they not delivered any feedback at all.
Our brains will negate anything positive that precedes the word 'but.' Using 'and' will help keep the conversation in a positive place. Research says it can take seven positives to reverse the effects of one negative. So be aware of your language to get the most out of the conversation. The person on the receiving end of your feedback could be missing out on useful information because they are still dwelling on the one piece of information you shared that started with a 'but.' Don't fall into this trap. Give it a try and see the difference in response your feedback receives.
Do you have any other helpful feedback tips? I'd love you to share them in the comments!
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